Life Lessons 101
Getting the guy who took your LSAT prep course to set you up with a nice young lawyer is harder than it sounds.
Someone needs to take my cell phone away from me before I destroy all my relationships by text. And by that I mean I harass everyone I know when I’m bored, even when they don’t reply. And by that I mean LULZ HAHA AREN’T I HILARIOUS OMG I’M SUCH A LOSER *SOB SOB SOB SOB*.
This is how we roll in Fresno (apparently)
This is the day for wine on the gulp rocks. This is a strange, sad world.
Then again, you’re in Fresno. It’s a miracle they didn’t turn all the grapes into raisins.
See! It’s not just me!!
GPOY having a glass of wine, like a normal person, yo.
In defense of normal people…the ice is usually omitted. :)
You OBVIOUSLY do not know my “normal” mother. (Plus my parents have not yet discovered the concept of refrigerating white wine. Although it may have something to do with the gigantic size of the bottles they buy.)
The Derailed Inquistions of an Almost-Bum
So, I’m taking a year off. A year off from doing “real” stuff. I’m just chilling out, working in a pet store part time, looking after my parents dogs (and now my ferret— bah! what did I do!). But I have soooo much free time. What am I supposed to do with all this free time? I basically exercise (not as much as I should) and watch TV (far more than I should) and sell a few puppies occasionally. I want to make the most of this year— get a few 5 and 10Ks in, complete a sprint triathlon, and I don’t know, learn a language (???!!!!!!!!*&^%!), but how? I can’t afford to do anything and/or don’t know how to start. How do you go about learning a language? Where do you sign up for, I don’t know, hip hop dancing or judo or boxing (I could kick some major ass, let me tell you)? I need some friends, and at least 3 boyfriends, so I have people to hang out with during my down time (which is most of my time). I need to find someone who has a wild side but can still make sound life decisions (work hard/play hard types) and, if they’re male, will buy me presents. That shouldn’t be so hard, right??
Then why does it seem so hard?
And where is my mother? She has left me with this bottle of wine and all this naan bread and I’m going to end up a drunk heifer.
The Dishwasher Repairman Cometh
Well, the Dishwasher Repairman came.
He explained the pricing structure, and once I agreed, got to work both quickly and expertly, finishing the job in a manner of minutes. He collected payment and was gone.
If you replace the words, Dishwasher Repairman with Prostitute, I still wouldn’t have to change a word.
Or so I imagine.
Maybe “he” to “she”? Although I pass no judgment either way.
GPOYW “trying to get animals to pose is hard” edition.
Meet Francisco the ferret.
(Captain Pizarro to you.)
The Naming of the Ferret
H: I'm thinking of naming him Mowgli, or naming him Rudyard but Rudy for short.
Mom: Oh no! You can't name him Rudy! That's what I'm going to call my baby.
H: ????*(&^^%&!!!@#$!!????....
